We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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