Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
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That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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