I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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