i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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