I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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