So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
