It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
