did you get engaged???
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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