??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
