Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The struggles of a small town man whore
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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