Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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