it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
