Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
