it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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