I think im going to throw up on grandma
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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