Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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