Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
