This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
