a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
