i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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