I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
