is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
