cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
