evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
