Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
