I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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