He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
