Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
