Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
