Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
