I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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