Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
soo... how was my night?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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