So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
