I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
