i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
