hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
