If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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