Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
