So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
