Do you still have your period?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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