then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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