I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
