Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Oh god it's open bar.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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