Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
