she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
