I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
