so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
