I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
