sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
