Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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