If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
