he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
