I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
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As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
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Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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