it hurts more in the daytime
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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