so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
