Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
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Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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