Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
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the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
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This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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