absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
