You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
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we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
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end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.