i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
