In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
