I would go down on you faster than GM stock
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
