So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
