my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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