so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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