how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
