But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
