Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
