When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
