I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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