and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
