I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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