Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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