At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Of course I have a pirate flag
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
