i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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