the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
