I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
