I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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