He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
