We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
