I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just found a bag of teeth...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
