Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
