Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
