In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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