Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just pee around me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
