I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
