...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
