I cockslap morals
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
