Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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